Until You Came
by xShelliAteYourSandwichx
Summary: Until he came, her life was a lie...
1. Climbing My Walls

**Until You Came **

So, this randomly came to mind as I was listening to _Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You _from Lady Antebellum. Hope you guys enjoy this :D

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I've been through too much within the past few years, made mistakes I knew weren't worth making, and married someone I thought I loved but I really didn't. I broke a lot of friendships, lost my way around things and I never stopped to take a minute to ponder about what I was getting myself into.

He let me back in, after everything that set us so far away from one another, he opened his arms and invited me back into his life. Despite how much he had begged me not to considering something as idiotic as a marriage to someone I had known for less of a time than I had known him.

I loved him so much back then but at the time I didn't know it, my entire perspective has changed some much over a small amount of time.

"Stephen," I trembled over the phone last night. "I need you," my voice cracked as the tears piled down my face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I apologized. I couldn't take this pain; I was so wrong, terribly wrong.

_I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away and opening up has always been the hardest thing, until you came._

My face hid in my knees as my leaned up against the wall of what was once my bedroom, the bedroom of a fairytale married couple, a fairytale love; a lie. My right hand brushes thru my wavy auburn hair. "Please," I beg.

"I'm on my way," his deep Irish accent finally spoke from the other side of the phone. The line went dead after that, I squeeze my eyes shut trying to ignore the scenes that replay in my head. Broken glass lay on the floor around me, holes busted thru the, once lovely, light orange walls.

I thought my abuser was back for me, I could hear footsteps coming from the other room, crunching the glass beneath him. I felt immobilized; I don't have it in me to move, my fight was gone, at this point nothing mattered. All I ever had never existed to begin with. Although, _he _wasn't who I thought he was.

Stephen took me back to his place; no questions asked, no 'I told you so,' no curses in Gaelic so I couldn't understand his anger. His blue eyes just peer out to the dark, damp streets that lay ahead as we sit in the silence that was consuming each other. Stephen's pale hands grip tightly at the steering wheel, his eyes never catching mine.

I lean my head against the passenger side window, the rain that trickled down mixed with the soft hiss of his breathing; they were the most calming sounds I have heard in a while.

As we rolled up to his condo, the silence continued. I didn't know what to say, there wasn't anything that could possibly make this situation better but still, he said nothing, instead Stephen guided me across the soaked grass and up to the front door.

_So lay here beside me just hold me and don't let go, this feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known. And I just can't take my eyes off you, and I just can't take my eyes off you…_

Not too long later were we both curled up on his bed, he had hot tea sitting on the nightstand to our right, the television was on low but I wasn't paying too much attention to it. My head lay upon his chest, the soothing sound of his heart beating and the inhaling and exhaling of his breath, was enough to make me fall asleep while his pale arm frosted over my tan shoulders, sending chills up and down my spine and oddly enough, I felt at peace, I felt protected; I felt everything I was missing this entire time…

My eye lids begin to fall slowly, my mind starting to rest, and whatever had occurred this evening was now a lost memory of the day.

"Aimee," his thick accent whispers. My hazel eyes flutter open and trail up to meet his deep blue gems, he shifts his position upward; I sit up brushing my hand thru my hair once again. "Ye need yer rest," his voice was soft.

My cheek laid on the palm of my hand as I tilted my head and my bloodshot eyes came to his clear, beautiful ones. "Don't leave," I say in a broken whisper. "Please, don't leave,"

He lifted his black t-shirt above his head, throwing it down on the pergo wood floor underneath us. Leaning back against the headboard, Stephen welcomes me back under his pale touch. My eyes couldn't stay on the television; they switched back and forth from it to him.

_I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just wake up and I love how you tease me when I'm moody but it's never too much. I'm falling fast but the truth is I'm not scared at all, you climbed my walls…_

_So lay here beside me just hold me and don't let go, this feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known. And I just can't take my eyes off you, and I just can't take my eyes off you_

I woke up the next morning, still brushed against the soft skin of his chest. My fingers trailed slowly down his frost white skin. "Mornin' lass," his voice lightly chuckles. His blue eyes didn't look as tired as mine probably were. They were hypnotizing, I missed them so much, like they were the only thing I needed after all this time. My lips curve up, not a complete smile but it would take some time before I was actually there.

"Good morning, Stephen." My eyes caught a glimpse of my appearance in the mirror on the long dresser to my left, as I sat up. "I look like a train wreck…" my hand presses delicately on my cheek, slightly purple.

"You're beautiful," he assures me, despite the bruise and the tiny cuts.

Something told me he was honest, as much as I tried to detest it, I couldn't. Stephen made everything different, he made me feel important, and he made me feel alive. I wasn't afraid of whatever could come my way, as long as he was there with me. He could break down barriers other people couldn't even push thru.

_Off you  
Off you_

I laid my head back down to his chest, his heart beat kept me grounded. My arm lies across his freckled abdomen but my eyes just kept finding their way back home; to his.

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I don't know whether to build up on this or leave it as a one shot, so leave me some feedback. Subscribe, review, alert, favorite and make me super dooper happy! :D


	2. Taken For Granted

**Until You Came**

So, many of you want me to continue with this, so I have decided that I should. This came to mind when I heard _If I Were a Boy_ by Beyonce. Oh, and her fiancé is totally made up! With that, enjoy

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**Chapter Two: Taken For Granted **

The one thing I wish I could understand is the minds of men. I don't exactly grasp why they do the things that they do, or what even drives them to do it, it puzzles me completely. The beginning between my husband – way before we had gotten married – and I was going just fine, he was a pure gentleman, he had me head over heels for him and, I couldn't comprehend why Stephen never liked him… I know now, if only I knew then.

After finally getting out of bed this morning Stephen made a light breakfast, he had lent me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to sleep in last night while my clothes dried in the drier but he knew as well as I did that I needed to return to my house and collect a few things to hold me over. He didn't say anything to me although I could tell by the look in his eyes he didn't want me going back there. He slid a plate in front of me and the rest of the time spent at his condo was in complete silence.

The car ride was exactly the same, the radio wasn't on, and no conversations emerged between us, things just felt dead. I didn't like when Stephen acted this way but it was the better way of expressing his anger than actually having to put it into actions.

I tried hard to focus my attention on something less angry; the sun was shining today, the roads were clear, it was beautiful, more attractive than I have ever noticed before. Then my eyes moved down to my lap, at my intertwined fingers, lying on the sparkle of my platinum engagement ring, with its matching wedding band. A small sigh releases from me and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Stephens head turn to take a glimpse at me before returning his attention back to the road. I wish I knew what was running through his mind right now.

_If I were a boy, even just for a day, I'd roll outta bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted then go. Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls. I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it, 'cause they'd stick up for me._

Stephen was the most intimidating talent in FCW who was rising his way to the top quickly, he came in just about the same time I did, around 2007. I was there as an intern, and he was there fulfilling a dream.

He came into the back room just finished up with a match, sweat heavy and, literally breathless. I approached him with a cold water bottle and I towel. "Impressive," I started. I wasn't frightened of him, nor was I threatened by his appearance.

He accepted the two. "Thanks," he replied. "Competing?"

"Who me?" I asked. He shook his head in a yes. "No, I'm an intern, learning business management under entertainment," I replied.

He dried off his hands, took a sip of his water and then held out his right hand, "Stephen," he introduced himself.

"Aimee,"

After that, it evolved into a friendship and every time he came backstage I was there with a towel and a bottle of water, along with a compliment of how he did and a story of my day.

About a couple months later a new guy came in, Milo, it wasn't too long after he was enrolled that I fell madly in love with him, and then every time I met up with Stephen after his match, all I could talk about was Milo.

One day, I was going on about this dinner date I had went on but stopped when I saw that Stephen had this glare in his eyes as he dried himself off and cut his wrist tape. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"The lads a no good cheater," he replied. It was the only thing he said, even after I had asked him how he knew that. Back then, I couldn't take him so seriously because I wasn't used to his reactions to things, he never spoke with his words but with his eyes. I know the only reasons he held back were because he would get extremely frustrated and violently physical.

It's kind of ironic how knowing that now doesn't even seem to scare me, it should but it doesn't.

_If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl; I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her 'cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted 'cause he's taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed._

Even after that Stephen still listened. Every now and then, with certain conversations, the protective side of him would emerge but it was never enough to hold me back.

About a year into my relationship with Milo, things began to get rocky. There were nights when he'd go out with the guys and then not return until three or four in the morning. I'd call Stephen and keep him up for half the night on the phone, overreacting and worry because it was the only thing I could focus my attention on.

On the nights where Milo would tell me not to wait up for him I'd go clubbing with Stephen, or we'd walk around the lit up streets at night, converse, laugh and do anything else that would drag my thoughts away from my then-boyfriend. Stephen seemed to understand me, and suddenly I found myself worry less and less about Milo but falling more and more for my best friend.

Despite whatever I felt for him, something about Milo just held me back from him.

_If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone; tell everyone it's broken so they'd think that I was sleepin' alone. I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go 'cause I know that she'd be faithful  
waitin' for me to come home (to come home) _

It wasn't too long after that Milo proposed to me. And when I came to Stephen with my excitement and good news, he literally begged me to change my mind. I had refused, telling him that whatever I thought of Milo before was just a silly thought, I was being childish. He had disagreed and after that, our conversations became less and less.

Six months later, I was walking down the aisle. It was easy to point out Stephen within the pews of people; he was the tallest one there with bright reddish-orange hair. There was a light smile on his face, which I knew, from just getting to know him that he was faking. As I watched his blue eyes, I couldn't help but begin to second guess my own decisions.

Stephen was right all along. After the 'I do's' and the honeymoon, things went right down the tubes. Fighting broke out every time Milo and I were in the same room together. I knew he was cheating from the second he starting rolling through the door at five in the morning, reeking alcohol and women's perfume.

I let it go the first three times, even after he caused the miscarriage of our baby girl – which I lied to everyone about and said I accidentally fell down the stairs – he had beaten me up but I needed a quick explanation to cover up the heavy bruising. I was too afraid to leave even when I knew I have options and places to go.

The fourth time, I somehow gained the courage to do just that; leave.

_If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl; I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her 'cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted 'cause he's taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed.  
__  
It's a little too late for you to come back, say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that?  
If you thought I would wait for you, you thought wrong._

After that I didn't speak to Stephen for two and a half years – up until that phone call last night. I know he didn't want to hear that he was right but I couldn't help but say it; it was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Still the thought of him trying to persuade me not to get married, or complicate my life the way that I have, has always haunted me, even when I tried to lie to myself and act like my life was perfect.

_But you're just a boy, you don't understand – Yeah you don't understand – How it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man. You don't listen to her you don't care how it hurts until you lose the one you wanted 'cause you've taken her for granted and everything you have got destroyed…But you're just a boy_

As we pulled into the driveway of my house my eyes observe over its scenery, nothing felt the way it used it. It was like this heavy depression washed over me, something I have never felt before. It was the weirdest feeling ever.

I walked through the front door and little by little collected everything I needed; Stephen wasn't too far behind me. I stopped at the side table next to the brown suede couch, to a photo on my wedding day of Stephen and I dancing. Milo hated that I had it displayed in the living room but it was the only thing I had left to remember of my best friend, someone I let go to experience a happiness that never existed to begin with.

After finishing in my bedroom I stood in front of the mirror that sat upon my long dresser, I could feel the tears build up behind my eyes but I had to force myself to do it, no matter how afraid or unwilling I was, I needed to push myself. I slid off my wedding band and my engagement ring and placed it on my dresser.

I left the house immediately; my whole body trembled as I got back into Stephen's car. I lean my head against the window again as we drove all the way back to his condo. The pain in my chest felt heavier, something told me it would be a while before I felt normal.

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Hope you guys liked that! :D More soon; subscribe, alert, favorite, review, send me some love and don't forget to check out the poll on my profile page :D


	3. What My Heart Beats For

**Until You Came**

My friend actually showed me the parody to this next song but I thought the actual one would fit in great with this next chapter; the song is _Apologize_ by OneRepublic.  
So enjoy this, I hope it's great :D

*******

**Chapter Three: What My Heart Beats For…**

It has been a few weeks by now, Stephen headed back to work only a few days after I had came and every couple of days he'd come back, sometimes with a few of the guys but today he was traveling. He had left this morning to go back on the road and before did he told me exactly what he did the first time he had to go. "If ya need anything, don't be afraid to call,"

So far I have been okay; I was able to give him a hug before he walked out on his way and showed me how to turn the alarm on and off if I had to leave; it made me feel a tad bit better about being alone with myself.

I sat at the island with a cup of coffee in my hand, the house was quiet. I always loved it when my house was quiet, it gave me time to really think about things and get my head straight when I needed it, too bad my relationship with my soon-to-be ex-husband was never one of those thoughts.

The way I saw it was he was literally never home because of his constant schedule after he was finally signed, so our home life became all about me and I figured that even though the house was partly in his name and his money was the one to pay the bills and buy the furniture, I'd do it my way. It's really not like he cared, even if he was in the area for one night there was always some type of excuse.

Denial hit me, it consumed me, overpowering me with the thoughts that yes, we were in love and no, he wasn't backstabbing me. And it reflected itself in my home, the wedding photos, the get togethers, all the way down to the paint that covered the walls. They were lies because I was scared and alone and needed whatever kind of comfort I could grasp onto for dear life.

I sigh, in all the time that Stephen was home, I never got the chance to tell him that Milo had been texting me, constantly prying himself into the knowledge of where I was and if I would forgive him. I didn't have the will to text him back, I figured the less I said the more content I can stay.

_I'm holdin' on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground. And I'm hearin' what you say but I just can't make a sound. You tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down but wait, you tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around and say..._

I took a small sip of my coffee as I flipped thru my wedding album, struggling to skip over the photos of Milo and I, instead in search of finding ones without him, my eyes examine over the ones of relatives and friends. Even then the smiles I wore were fake, it was obvious to me and Stephen, I'm not too aware of anyone else knowing. Although since living at Stephen's, waking up in the morning doesn't hurt too much anymore; it feels like I've been set free in a way. I don't want to go back to the life I have been used to since I was twenty-three, I just cannot let that happen between Milo and I.

Stephen has been my support; he's taken me everywhere I have needed to go since he allowed me to move in, he even took me to a lawyer to file divorce papers. As much as it tortured me to slip off my bands, I needed to cut whatever ties were left and start anew. I need to be strong; I must walk away from this reoccurring nightmare before the next life he decides to take is my own. That still hurts… my wonderful baby girl, if only I could see what she would be like today… And for her and my own shaking future, I have to reinvent my life and pull myself back onto my feet.

_That it's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.  
Yeah!  
_

My phone blinks slightly next to me; another text message had arrived in my box from none other than Milo. I place my hand on my phone, vaguely hesitant on whether or not I should answer it, I decided against it. Stephen told me that he'd check up on me every few hours to see how I am, and beside him, no one else really calls or texts me apart from Milo. I slid my cellular mobile device to the other end of the countertop and let it sit there, no longer planning to acknowledge it.

After pulling out a handful of pictures, I shut the album and do the very same thing to it. I take another sip of my coffee and then make my way back to the guest bedroom – my bedroom – to change into my pajamas and get tucked into bed. The mess on my face had healed since I first arrived here; it made a smile on shape my lips as I dressed into some old sweats.

My thoughts are still heavily crowded but I know in my heart what has to be done, despite what it feels. It throbs angrily through the past pain and hatred which built the large glass frame around me that somehow Stephen was able to break apart.

_I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you. I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothin' new. I loved you with a fire red, now its turnin' blue and you say sorry, like an angel Heaven let me think was you but I'm afraid..._

All this time, my heart has never ached for Milo; instead it has lingered for the days when I would be able to see my best friend again, the feelings that I felt weren't for anyone but him. Stephen let me back in with no pondering questions, nothing but complete silence and Milo, he would be a celestial being for the first half of the rebuttal, and all hell would break loose after that. I came back time and time again because I knew sooner or later he'd be back on the road and I wouldn't have to deal with his anguish – That and if he knew I were astray he'd come and seek me out, which scared me half to death.

I heard something smash onto the kitchen floor, knowing that no one was in the house since it was secure I went to go investigate. When I came in, I found that my phone had vibrated its way onto the floor, I went to check the incoming call to see who it was, my guess already named.

**New Incoming Call  
From: Stephen Farrelly**

My eyes lit up, as I picked my phone up from the floor and answered the phone before I lost the call. I took a quick deep breath and then began. "Hey!" my voice clears up.

"Aimee," his accent made my lips form that smile again. "How are ye holdin' up this evenin' lass?" I absolutely adore the way he talks, it makes me remember exactly what I'm fighting for.

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.  
Whoa…_

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late._

"Everything's great, how is it in South Carolina?" I ask, tempted to know how his day had gone, he was preparing for the evening, I could tell by the television playing in the background.

"Just about ta go on," he answers. I head to the cabinet where he hid the 'from time to time' junk food and ripped out a bag of popcorn. I destroyed the plastic quickly and threw that sucker in the microwave. He spoke more but I was lost in his fluent accent so much, I didn't seem to catch what else he had said. It didn't seem to bother him much though.

"Awesome," I reply, as I ran down the hall into his room to turn on the television. "I'm just about to get settled in and watch,"

I could hear the chuckle in his voices as he resituates his phone, in the background I could hear his opponents music playing, his music would be airing soon.

_I said it's too late to apologize. Yeah…  
I said it's too late to apologize. Yeah…_

"Oíche mhaith, Aimee, fanacht sábháilte." The last thing he said to me before we got off the phone.

I knew he could hear the gladness in my voice when I understood exactly what he said and actually responded to him, I could feel his smile upon me. "Good night, Sheamus, you stay safe yourself."

The microwave beeped as I came back into the kitchen and rescued the popcorn. I shook the bag as I walked back into his bedroom, just in time to hear his music play and see his face, the Irish smirk he had on etched itself into my heart.

I climbed onto his rather large bed and opened my bag of delicious Heaven. "From Dublin, Ireland, weighing in at two-hundred-seventy-two pounds, the challenger, Sheamus!"

_  
I'm holdin' on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground._

I laid back into his large, navy colored pillows; the smell of his Irish skin took over me. I completely felt safe, secure and at home. I know where I'm going to be resting tonight, only to dream of lying next to him while I slumber. I miss him so much, I cannot wait for him to be home.

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Really hope this was great, wrote it as I'm getting over a stomach bug. Have the music and character visual on my profile, don't forget to check out my poll! subscribe, review, alert, favorite and show me some awesome love, you know I adore it! Thanks so much, guys! :D


	4. My Life as a Horror Movie

**Until You Came **

Thank you so much everyone for all of the reviews for the last chapter, I am so glad you all really enjoyed it. I got this idea for this next chapter a while ago; the song is _Whataya Want From_ _Me_ by Adam Lambert, thought it went along well the plot.  
So enjoy this!

**Chapter Four: My Life as a Horror Movie**

Over the course of the next few weeks, sleeping peacefully just wasn't in the cards for me. I have been waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, and panting with the reoccurring horrors of my life with Milo flashing in my head; it would keep me from sleeping for the rest of the night. In all the time I thought I was beginning to bounce back I now feel like I'm taking so many steps back.

Although, maybe with Stephen being home this evening it won't be so bad…

I walk into the kitchen, the sound of the tea kettle filling the room. Going against the thought of coffee this evening was tough; it was the only thing that kept me up all day waiting for my best friend to arrive home. The lights in the living room were on to keep me company, the television as well. It was airing an old episode of The Nanny, I used to love this show so much way back when, and it's funny to know they still show it.

I pour myself a small cup of tea and proceed to the living room to curl up on the couch. I pull a blanket from over the back of the couch onto myself; it was soft and smooth, quite comfy really. My tired eyes graze over the cable box to the time, it was half past midnight, and he should be home soon. My eyes fought against me to stay open to make sure he came home safe, he would be home for the next three days and then he would be leaving again for this Sunday's upcoming live show. I am deathly afraid of how he's going to pull that one off.

My eyes came to a complete close, the only sound I could hear was the obnoxious laughter of Fran Drescher on the television and then suddenly I heard the doorknob wriggle. My attention shoots to the door as I sit up and the door opens. Red hair is the first thing that I am able to see, my brain fully awakens itself.

"Aye, lass, yer still up?" was Stephens's form of greeting.

"Just making sure you came home okay," a tired smile rests on my face. I got up and helped him through the door.

I assisted him by getting his bags inside, Stephen took them down to his room and, then came back into the living room where I had just turned off the television and was now in the process of folding up the couch blanket. He didn't have to speak to tell me I looked majorly exhausted, in fact we didn't say too much to each other; asked how our days went, what we did and, of course he was interested in knowing how I have been holding up; I lie and, tell him I have been feeling at home and comfortable. I bet my looks of overtiredness didn't fool him for a minute.

Not too long after, did we both call it a night.

"Aimee, wake up!" My ears could hear slightly thru my wailing, as I kicked, cried and tried to pry myself away from Milo, he took hold of my forearms, leaving me defenseless. "Dea-Dia, Aimee, dúisigh!" I could now hear Stephen in the mists of my wailing. "Aimee, dúisigh!"

I sat straight up, my watery, bloodshot eyes meeting those of my best friend. An enormous gasp for air is taken in as I cough and try to find my center of gravity again, I could feel the sweat dripping from my body. My vision clears and my hazel eyes meet with Stephen's dark blue ones, concern written all over his face.

_Hey, slow it down. Whataya want from me, whataya want from me?  
__Yeah, I'm afraid. Whataya want from me, whataya want from me?_

He cradles me close and just lets me cry uncontrollably until I am able to settle myself. Not saying one word as his large pale hands caress the dampness of my hair. When my breathing calmed and I was able to see clearly again, Stephen helped me up and led me down the hall into the kitchen. I sat at the island as he prepares a new pot of water to make tea, when he was all finished, he turned on the stove and then sat right across from me.

"What's been on yer mind?" and thus, the explanation just piled out of me.

I told him whatever I could about the nightmares; they were all similar in some way but ended differently each time. The first one actually took place in Stephen's condo; I was bathing in the Jacuzzi-style bathtub when all of the sudden Milo is in the doorway. I am naked and alone, wondering how he got in when the alarm was fully on and before I am able to do anything he's forcing me under water. I try my hardest to fight back and get him off of me but it is no use, and as I'm losing consciousness I wake up. _  
_

I had another dream, similar to that but in this one he doesn't kill me, and instead it's a sexual attack, except instead it was in our home. Milo and I were arguing, he was yelling at me to leave and I was doing just that, packing a bag and trying to escape. He came thundering through our bedroom door, we start to yell at each other again and then he throws something made of glass at the wall. As I tell him that I hope he burns in hell, he knocks me onto our bed and proceeds to rape me; my own screaming is what woke me up from that one.

The tears came back with each explanation to these dreams. The kettle on the stove began to scream and it frightens me half to death and still, I watch as Stephen gets up to shut it off. He pours a cup for each of us, placing mine in front of me, then takes his place right across from me again.

The two of us were silent. My cup stays untouched although my eyes lay heavy on him. Stephen stares uncertainly at his reflection in his tea; I could tell by the scrunch in his brows that he was trying his hardest on how to say things in the right way.

"Aimee," he finally lets out, his voice struggling to keep calm. "Did he ever assault ye?" The dark blue gems went from the table and up to me.

I couldn't face him, the shame over powered me. My voice shakes between the sobs and finally breaks. "Yes." I broke down right there, uncontrollably.

_There might have been a time I would give myself away;  
(Ooh) Once upon a time I didn't give a damn but now here we are  
So whataya want from me, whataya want from me?_

I could feel the fire flaring in Stephen's eyes and burning in his veins as he came across the island and wraps his arms around me, allowing me to get it all out, all the shame and disgust I have felt for years.

I didn't sleep alone for the next few nights and oddly enough I didn't have one bad dream, still resting peacefully wasn't an easy task. Even when lying next to my protector, I still felt uneasy; I'd lie awake for hours resting my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating and the soft hiss of his breathe. He was like an angel when he slept, a Celtic angel.

For the three days he was home I slept a total of nine hours. It didn't matter how much cover up, concealer and foundation I used in the morning, it wasn't enough to fool him into thinking I was well rested.

We spoke rarely of the past pain since he had a match coming up, I didn't want to overly stress him out. Although every now and then he'd ask me little things, there was no reason for me to lie anymore so I told him the truth.

The sting I saw in his blood shot eyes is what hurts me the most, even when he slept full nights I could tell they weren't as comfortable as they should be when one isn't travelling.

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out.  
Please don't give in, I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe, just keep coming around  
Hey, whataya want from me, whataya want from me?  
_

It killed him to get back on the road and have to wonder if I was going to be alright. He made me promise him that if anything went wrong, I'd give him a call. Stephen said he didn't care what was wrong but he'd be there on the next flight out; sometimes he just really knows how to make me smile. It's slightly humorous to me to see this side of him; I don't believe I ever have, it's nice to know that someone cares.

He left late Friday evening; it would be a long flight to Baltimore, Maryland from Tampa, Florida and even though I know I promised him I would reach him for anything, I desperately want to try and relax for one night, try to pull through on my own.

Everything he's sacrificed to help me with has been nothing but a blessing, Stephen is truly like my guardian angel and he'll never know how much I deeply appreciate him for all he's ever done for me.

_Yeah, it's plain to see, that baby you're beautiful and it's nothing wrong with you.  
It's me - I'm a freak but thanks for lovin' me, 'cause you're doing it perfectly.  
_

_There might have been a time when I would let you step away, I wouldn't even try but I think you could save my life. _

__Every time I would fight with Milo, I heard Stephen's voice echo in my head. It was like a constant reminder of him like he was always there even when he wasn't. Back then I would've been too afraid to say anything, frightened on how he would react to everything but I should've known better. Stephen wasn't out to hurt me; he was there to save me, I wish I wasn't so dimwitted back then.

And all this time – not once – has he given up on me. Even though what I have done so far is just the baby steps to the start of a happy, new life; he hasn't turned his back and walked away from me. I think deep down he understands that recovering from all of this trauma is going to take some time but I do hope he sees that I am really, desperately trying to find myself, my old self; my center.

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out.  
Please don't give in, I won't let you down.  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe, just keep coming around.  
__Hey! _

Tonight I'm going to relax and find that center, that serenity I have been trying too hard to find. I need to at least attempt to do this by myself, I cannot lean on Stephen for everything and to be honest, I think I have done enough if that since I came here.

Although I do want to call him sometime tomorrow to see how he's holding up. It's the least that I could do, since he's already done so much for me. What else could I possible do? I don't believe there's anything left for me to try, except to focus my attention on other things and try to settle down a bit.

_Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)  
__Whataya want from me, Whataya want from me?__  
_

That's what he'd want me to do, right?

* * *

Thanks for much for reading, hope it was totally worth it; subscribe, review, alert, favorite and leave me so awesome love! :D Don't forget to take the poll on my profile page; More soon!


	5. Just Let Me

**Until You Came **

So, most of you guys who follow me on Facebook know that I lost 550 songs on my iPod and had to go through the cycle all over again. And I came across this song, and yes, I know it is in the first Twilight movie but I absolutely love it... and it inspired me to write this.

_Let Me Sign_ by Robert Pattinson.  
I changed the words a bit, bear with me.  
Enjoy :D

* * *

**Chapter Five: Just Let Me… **

Nothing has been easy for me, things only continued to get worse when Stephen went back on the road. Sleeping was barely an option because I'd wake myself up from my own kicking and screaming, although things were better when he called or came home but I still didn't feel like myself; my weight was dropping slowly and I felt myself gradually losing what little control I had left of myself.

Stephen had called the other night and I knew with no doubt there was a worrisome tone to his Irish rhythm but I kept assuring him that I was doing just fine. I wasn't able to do what I set out to do, I can't do this on my own but I don't want to drag him down with me too.

When Stephen finally came home things not only got shoddier but tensions began to increase between the two of us. He wasn't able to take any of the torture that I was putting myself through, I knew it was killing him faster than it was me but I just can't stop it now; I'm into this too deep now to get myself out.

"Why ya jus can't let me help ya?" he howled in a fit of rage. His right fist met the table with this loud bang that I could've sworn it broke his hand.

"Because there's no way you can!" I screeched through the flow of my own sobbing and the uncontrollable gasping for air.

I've never seen his eyes inflamed with so much fury before, it wasn't the way he made it look when he was acting, this was so much more than that; this was real. What scared me more than that was the change in his tone and power that it held over me, it was difficult to defend myself from.

_Standing there by a broken tree__, __his hands are all twisted, he was pointing at me__. __I was damned by the light coming out of his eyes; he spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky__. __He said 'Walk on over here to the bitter shade__, __I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know that you're saved.'_

_Let me sign__, __let me sign_

"I shoulda thought twice when it came ta helpin' out ya'r sorry ass," Stephen spat as he stomped from the kitchen, then down the hall and finally, his bedroom door slammed.

I went out after that. It didn't faze me that I took his keys off the coffee table, or the fact that I started the car and drove off. I didn't even know where I was going but somehow I just wasn't able to stop myself from leaving.

I ended up at some dinky little coffee shop, it smelled a little off as I entered and found a table in an empty corner. There was some type of poetry gathering going on, on the other side. A waitress came over and asked me if there was anything that I particularly wanted, so I asked for a Frappe and nothing more than that.

While I waited I couldn't help but listen in on the performance across the way and as the recitalist read my mind envisioned Stephen as their antagonist, I felt the pain increase in my chest.

"_I was out for a drink in a soho bar__, __the air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar.__  
__He rose out of his seat like a painted ghost__; __he was the man that I wanted the most__. __As he reached for my arm I gave him my hand__, __I said 'Lay me down easy, let me understand',"__  
__  
"Let me sign,__let sign," _the recitalist spoke._ "Can't fight the devil, so just let me sign._"

Suddenly, I felt the discomfort in my chest disperse as the waitress walked over with my drink and I continued to listen in on the presentation, my thoughts finally coming together as my eyes never left the view of the stage. Everything about Stephen was left floating around my head and nothing could stop me from imagining him sitting in the seat opposite of mine.

I drove back home in silence, not letting the radio play, not allowing anything to distract me from my realizations and revelations. I felt alive on the inside for once, although my appearance spoke volumes against that; it didn't matter anymore.

As I pulled into the driveway and shut down the car, I noticed the lights in the living room were off now but the front door wasn't locked when I approached it and wiggled the knob.

_As I walked through the door he was still in my head__. __As I entered the room he was laid there in bed__, __he reached out for me all twisted in black__; __I was on my way down, never coming back._

When I stepped inside the house, all the lights were off and as my eyes squinted down the hall, I noticed the shadows from the television seeping their way out from under his bedroom door and dancing slightly on the floor.

I quietly stepped down the hall, not wanting to disturb him if he were resting but when I cracked open the door a bit, he was sitting there on his bed in black sweats with his back propped up against the headboard and his eyes sheepishly hooked on the dry humor that played on the television screen as he was watching his favorite comedy, _Father Ted._

_Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.__  
__Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

I came into the room and watched as his eyes moved from his show, now focused on my movements. I sat next to him and leaned my head against his shoulder, curling myself ever so close to him.

"Please, help me Stephen," I whispered. I could feel the drip of a tear escape from my eye, slowly slip down my face and then fall to the warmth of his skin.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this! Don't forget to comment, review, subscribe, alert, favorite and all that other stuff. Add me of FB too; all that info is on my profile! Thanks so much guys, really hope this was worth the read!

..I posted the song on my profile but its not the whole, I apologize guys, you can look up the whole but it's a live copy and its kinda suckish but you can check it out if you'd like..on second thought, I might post both.. xD


	6. Oh No, I Should've Never Thought

**Until You Came**

It took a large amount of time looking for the perfect song that could go along with this next chapter and I think it would work out pretty well – the song is _I_ _Caught Myself_ by Paramore.

Now, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Six: Oh No, I Should've Never Thought!**

Within the following days, things between Stephen and I seemed at ease. Well, everything except for the fact that he now wanted me to accompany him on the road. I remember my stomach dropping when he told me to start packing last night for the trip and even this morning it's still been the same way.

I had gotten up way earlier than him only because my lack of sleep has turned me but it wasn't long before Stephen woke up and my mood immediately changed. "Aye, up early lass?" he greeted me as he opened his eyes. I was sitting up, with my back to the headboard, admiring how nice the day was today through the window when his Irish tongue quickly threw me off guard.

"Just like any other day," I mumbled. My face lay rested on my right palm while my eyes never left the window to meet Stephen's.

He didn't do anything and I didn't have to look at him to see his light orange brows narrowed to my words. There was something about Stephen today that left me in question but I couldn't really figure it out, and it's been bugging me since last night.

_Down to you; you're pushing and pulling me down to you but I don't know what I…_

I found myself thinking back to a few nights ago at the coffee shop, to that poem from the recitalist; _'He rose out of his seat like a painted ghost; he was the man that I wanted the most. As he reached for my arm I gave him my hand, I said 'Lay me down easy, let me understand'_.._. _Is it awkward that when I heard that line I thought of him?

I don't know what's going on with me lately but every thought I've had has led back to Stephen, in some way, somehow.

_Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should've never thought. _

_Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should've never thought of you, of you…_ _You're pushing and pulling me down to you but I don't know what I want, no, I don't know what I want…_

As he got up and sat up next to me, the one question that sat in my mind was still really bugging me, so as we waited in all of our awkward silence, I decided to at least bring some conversation into this morning.

"Are you sure you want me to go with you?" I asked, not knowing how to phrase any of this. "I mean, can't you get in trouble for bringing outsiders to your shows or something?"

Even when I thought it wouldn't get more awkward, Stephen seems to find a way to get to that level. "How am I supposed tah keep an eye on ya, if yer here in Florida?" he rose an eyebrow as he looked down toward me. "It's obvious ya need someone tah keep ya in line, now don'tcha think, lass?"

I didn't like his ways of doing things even if they were right because he's just got this hold on me that is way too tight to break free from at the moment. And before I could ask him another question, he turned to me and said, "And I made arrangements with me boss fer ya join me fer a little while, it would be eh temporary thing but he agreed and said you can join me,"

Well then, can I stay home? I could see Stephen read it all over my face and I knew by his expression that it made him a little agitated but I think, at the same time, he knew I wasn't trying to argue.

_You got it, you got it; some kind of magic. Hypnotic hypnotic; you're leaving me breathless. I hate this, I hate this; you're not the one I believe in, with God as my witness…_

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about this last night but I noticed that Stephen has always had this edge to himself and his character that has always captivated me and I hate how he can sometimes get in my brain so constantly. I have seen side of him that I have never seen in Milo and every now and then I find myself thinking back to the time when I could've sworn I was falling for my best friend… its funny because sometimes I wonder what life would have been like for me, and how different it would be between us, if Stephen and I were to have somehow fell in love three years earlier.

Oh gosh… no, no, no, no, no way did I just think that - No! There is no way that him and I could be anything more than just friends, absolutely nothing higher or lower than that! God, what the hell is wrong with me?

As Stephen got up his eyebrows arched suspiciously, "Lass, are ya feelin' alright?" he asks. I was lost in my own little trance until he waved a ghostlike hand in front of my face. "Aimee?"

I shook my head, my messy bangs covering up my vision. "Huh?" I ask. "Oh, yeah, I'm okay," I smile lightly; I try my hardest to change the subject quickly. "I could go for a nice, hot cup of coffee right about now, I don't know about you," I hopped off his bed and headed to the door to make it down the hall and into the kitchen.

"Yer in a good mood todeh," Stephen comments as he follows me down the hall. As I reached my destination, I stopped at the pantry to grab out the can of coffee and the filters. "Ehs nice tah see ya in ah better mood than usual,"

"You're not the only one," I chuckle softly to myself. I slept so great last night, even if I did fall asleep before Stephen did. I laid down in his room last night with in, watching one of those old, dry comedies he so much enjoys. I remember resting my head gently on his right bicep and I guess somewhere between there and the tiny conversation we were having, I must've fallen asleep.

I'm sure that Stephen didn't mind too much, sleep was an occasionally thing with me over the past few months, so if I could get any at all I'm sure it thrilled him to pieces. I think what makes me so comfortable with my ginger haired best friend would be the fact that he is so awkwardly understanding when it comes situations like mine.

Then again, he has always understood to stuff like this. I cannot recall how many times I would go to him when I needed to talk to someone about things between Milo and I. I remember telling him that he'd make a woman very happy one day – because of how careful he was with my feelings – any girl would want a man that isn't going to walk all over her when it comes to how they feel.

Stephen was always too good like that, sometimes even too good to be true, at times. I never doubted that he was being real; just, sometimes, he had those moments that made my eyes literally pop out of my head with how on target he could get.

I always found myself slightly attracted to the mysterious part of him, I knew he had girlfriends, or went on dates but he never had anyone serious and I always wondered why that would be… I mean aside from his pale skin, there was nothing actually wrong with him.

He was, for all the time that I have known him, always quite eye-catching. I never had a problem admitting it to myself or any of my close friends… Since I have known him I have found him striking.

Oh God, I cannot be thinking this!

_Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should have never thought. Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you; You're pushing and pulling me down too but I don't know what I want, no, I don't know what I want…!  
_

When I moved over to the coffee maker, I felt my hands begin to slightly shake a bit. My mind just can't seem to slip off of this topic. Maybe my being with Stephen while he's on the road won't be so bad; I haven't seen a show live some time now.

With each scoop of coffee I poured into the filter cup, my conscious was yelling at me to think about all that I ever had in my life really wasn't it for me… I have made a load of crappy mistakes but I wouldn't say that I them to hide that I was in love with my best friend.

That doesn't make any sense!

Of course Milo and I had some problems here and there, and even though he did turn out to be a huge dick, I wouldn't deny that I loved him at one point; I know I did. But the thought of Stephen being anything more than just a friend to me is so…foreign. I'll admit, maybe at one point, I found myself falling for him but this was _years_ ago, even if he did have affection for me then, I'm sure it's been dried up for quite a while.

I brought myself back to reality, turned on the sink and began to fill the coffee pot with fresh water. This was all beginning to give me a headache.

_Don't know what I want but I know it's not you.  
Keep pushing and pulling me down but I know in my heart it's not you_

I have always cared about Stephen; his opinions meant more to me than anyone else's – even my parents – just for the reason being that I knew we were honest with each other and because he knew of things that no one had any idea of.

I didn't believe him when he first said that Milo was a no good piece of garbage, only because  
I thought he was slightly jealous of the fact but I learned from experience that he wasn't; he was just trying to protect me, and I wasn't one for listening.

Although when I was married, there were times during mine and Milo's arguing when I thought about my best friend; when I wondered how he was doing, where he was, if he was happy… or if he missed me at all.

I often wondered about what it would be like, if that one night, while I was still engaged, if things would have taken a turn, if we would have taken a chance… What would are life be like now? Would we be happy? Have a couple of kids?

…Ah, this is just so ridiculous!

_Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should have never thought. Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should have never thought of you; I knew, I know in my heart it's not you, I knew but now I know what I want, I want, I want…  
_

As soon as I poured the water into the coffee maker and started it, I moved over to the breakfast nook and sat down. My face rested in the crest of my palm and crossed my right leg over my left one; it was early and I am totally not into this whole morning thing just yet…well, especially after sleeping all night; it's that feeling one would get from just being well rested and not yet fully awake.

I am sure that Stephen has never thought anything like that between the two of us. He doesn't seem to be anything more than just concerned with how things are progressing with me.

Within the years that I was married, I don't believe any of them were ever very happy days, yet when I'm around my best friend, it is like my entire life changes, it's so strange and sometimes, I can't even explain it. He's been there when no one else could be. He's dealt with much more than anyone could ever handle… and he hasn't given up on me, not even once.

_Oh no, I should have never thought!_

I smile curves onto my lips as I turn my head to see Stephen now standing at the mirror in the living room, which hung on the wall. He was fully dressed and fixing his neck tie; sporting his 'casual' attire.

And suddenly, I am totally looking forward to this road trip.

* * *

I know this took forever but I was looking for the perfect song and I really do think this one was it! :D  
Subscribe, review, alert, PM and send me some love!

_Be well!_  
**Shelly**

xoxoxox


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